Monday, March 08, 2010


As a youthful student I had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), BBD (Boners for Babes Disorder), DCD (Dreamy Classroom Disorder), DBD (Desperately Bored Disorder), IFS (Incessant Farting Syndrome), ETS (Excessive Talking Syndrome), DFD (Dreaming of Freedom Disorder) and IBD (Itchy Britches Disorder).

The one thing that characterizes all of the above syndromes and "disorders" is that they are NOT diseases. They are the consequence of bad parenting, bad diets and coercive government authoritarian control of the mental content of children via "public education" (well, except for BBS and IFS, ahem).

ADD is not a disease. Children are not born with "attention deficits." Attention deficits are created. They are created by enforced conscription of children into activities or situations that they do not wish to be in, supplanting their own values for others' values.

It is a consequence of being told, "You will sit in that uncomfortable, constricted chair for six hours each day of the week and listen to puke, pabulum and propaganda, whether you like it or not -- do you understand me?!"

It can also be the consequence of horrible eating, mostly way too much sugar and carbs, which turn the body into a hyperactive spasm of uncontrollable urges to MOVE, to MOVE ANYWHERE. I know. I was one of those kids brought up on cereal, lots of cereal, and milk, which my body couldn't digest and thereby turned milk protein into copious amounts of gas, which I embarrassingly exploded upon my nearby victims in every concentration-camp class I was forced to attend. (How many times did I hear from my fellow prisoners, "ELMORE?!!!!!!!!!!!!! God damn, not again!!!!!!!!"). That's not a legacy one can proudly wear. I did, however, save a few calculated explosions for the deans and the principals when sent to their office for discipline for excessive talking because of DBD and DFD.

The excessive sugar gave me IBD. The glacial pace of instruction gave me ETS, and so my report cards contained A's for classwork and lots and lots of bad-conduct capital letters to the side stating ominously: "Excessive Talking." Luckily, the only thing that the dictator, my dad, cared about was the A's. "I don't give a shit whether you talk too much as long as your grades are good."

So I talked. And talked. And talked. And got sent to the principal's office, where I farted. And farted. And farted. Until the noxious cloud precipitated a brief upbraiding and a quick dismissal back to a classroom of smiling friends and a miffed teacher.

I hated school. Let me repeat that. I HATED school. Loved meeting new people and having lots of friends. Hated being told when and what to learn. It was MY life. No it wasn't. Yes it was. No, it wasn't. All I could think of each day was babes (BBD) and looking up the dress of my buxomous 8th-grade World History teacher, who had a lovely tendency to wear VERY short skirts, jump up on her desk at the front of the classroom and slowly cross her legs, causing many male students to go to the nurse's office for strained necks and hurting crotches.

Yeah, OK, that was fun -- looking up Ms. So-and-so's dress at the pink/purple/black/red panties -- but that was one short (too short) class in a history of violence against the human mind and free will. Mostly, public school simply elicited rage from me and many others (mostly boys, it seemed). Whose life was it, anyway?! "I'm not going to use the fucking quadratic equation in my life, you boring sack of pig's testicles!" Thus DFD or another disorder/syndrome set in.

The cronies of coercive education and their conspiratorial counterparts in psychology have developed an acronym alphabet soup to attend to the natural effects of extreme boredom, extreme coercion, extreme diets and extreme devastation of one's own personal interests at a youthful age. These professorial posers would like you to think that all the fucked-up kids have somehow contracted a genetic disease. But the posers have one major problem in their diagnosis: They have ADD.

Their attention deficit is philosophical. They do not attend to the exigencies of philosophical inquiry, thereby causing them to misunderstand cause and effect: When you pummel free will, you get disorder. When you coerce thinking, you get non-thinking. When you combine the two you get alphabet soups of lost generations. Those are inconvenient truths for parasites on the public teat.

End "public schooling" now. Save the children (for once the cliche applies). Let's take the capital letters out of "ADD" and put them back in math -- not "new" math.

Let the kids be free to enjoy their individual rights to self-determination and productive and creative lives -- and their BBD in their teenage years.

Here's looking at you, babes!

No comments: