The fork is linked to obesity

In articles today in newspapers around the country, researches said they may have found the link to obesity: microbes in the gut that "want" food.

They don't say how the microbes get there; in other words, they don't know the chicken and the egg. Do the microbes get there because people eat badly, causing them to develop, or are they there genetically?

Newsflash! I personally discovered the cause of obesity when I was six years old and have finally decided to disclose that cause: the fork.

For some people, their forks inexplicably continue to go toward the mounds of food on their plates and then race back toward their mouths -- over and over and over again.

I made this amazing discovery by watching friends and family at picnics and family gatherings when I was a wee-boy. Some of them seemed to have forks that "wanted" food. One thing I could not explain, however, was that the forks inexplicably stopped wanting food when I used the same forks, which suddenly ceased their round-trips when I picked them up and felt full.

I supposed that the forks may have not liked me as much as the obese family and friends. I also saw that the forks seemed to cause the obese family and friends to not get involved in family sports and activities. These people lounged around, farting and belching, while I and others played and sweat.

And yet, after all our activity, our forks still made fewer round-trips at the lunch table than the forks of our obese relatives and friends.

So, forks cause obesity!

What other explanation could there be: That the obese acquaintances would not control their diets, would not exercise, did not care about their appearance and health, wished to not be nimble and enjoy life as it is supposed to be enjoyed?

Nah!

I'll be forking over my findings soon.