Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tea parties and brain enemas

If you've been watching TB (Lefties call it TV) coverage or reading rusepaper coverage of the Tea Parties, you've no doubt noticed how the Lefties pretend with dour countenance how the whole rebellion is Fox News ordained, and that we free-thinkers, by implication, don't have a revolutionary, independent-minded bone in our body and must be led by the nose into freedom rallies because, gosh darnit, stupid does what stupid says -- then you need a brain enema to cleanse yourself of Lotus-Lefty's offal.

Brain-enema preparation:
Grab a Lefty by his scrawny, pencil-dicked neck, turn him upside down (so that his ubiquitous frown becomes a smile) and, while he's screaming LIKE A LITTLE GIRL and kicking his feet LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, piss in his nostrils while making him recite the Declaration of Independence. (This is not officially the real preparation for a brain enema, strictly speaking, but it has the added benefit of making you smile, which can't be bad.)

Now, get a nice bottle of red, a cozy partner, a tube of KY (optional), a great movie (main character's got to have ATTITUDE), a photo of Nancy Pelosi and Obama Dead Eyes and Keith Oberman and Tom Brokaw, and then start the fun.

First off, grab the optional Lefty (I hope you didn't pass this up!), drag his scrawny ass outside and tie him to a tree upside down. Lube his mouth with copious (Get your mind out of the gutter! I didn't say "copulation") amounts of KY and stuff the photos of the four aforementioned rats into his mouth. Remind him that proper digestion requires at least 32 chews. We wouldn't want him to get heartburn. ... Silly me, Lefties don't have hearts. Ugh!

Then, grab your partner and take his/her fine ass over to the soft couch, open up the red, hit the start button -- and let the brain come awash in the sweet bliss of Lefty-free life.

(When making delicious coffee the following morning, don't forget to call animal control to pick up the piss-drenched rat by the tree in the morning.)

I love brain enemas.

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