Sunday, December 13, 2009

The moral debacle of the penis called Tiger Woods

If you or I lie to a friend or acquaintance to hide something, it is, of course, immoral.

But what if you got a job as a, say, computer programmer at a business and didn't know the first thing about computer programming? What if you were able to somehow hide this fact for years while by, perhaps, having someone else do it or by some other shenanigan?

As so we have Tiger Woods. What he sold to the companies that used him for their advertisements was reputation, his moral bearing and confidence, as well as his expertise on the golf course. He had the last of these three things, but he has been living a lie for years now regarding the first two. He has sold himself in interviews, at charity events, on the golf course, in advertisements, and in person as a man of rectitude, morality, certitude, self-esteem, pride, honesty, independence.

But he is a fraud. And he has defrauded some of the biggest companies in the world: Accenture, Nike, Gillette and more. He was defrauding them when he was kissing other women and during every minute that he was sticking his penis in these other women and writing them text messages to cover up the fact that his penis had been in them.

I've watched this man's prickly (ahem) demeanor in hundreds of interviews (yes, I love golf) and been aghast at his chilly (a la Obamao) facade, his clammy metaphorical handshake with the camera, his icy look, his condescension. Until now, I thought he was just an asshole. But it turns out the whole package, the whole I'm-fucking-Tiger-and-you-cretins-are-NOT shit was just that: shit.

I've been trying to figure out whether this fraud has an obligation to set the record straight with those of us who've watched him for 13 years trounce the golf world and perform his sterile magician's trick up on afterward. My conclusion is that, yes, he does have an obligation since by taking up the microphone, you are implicitly selling yourself to those listening and watching. If what you were selling in wholly inaccurate, then you have an apology to make, a sincere apology to make. And we will decide whether that apology is sufficient to warrant our further interest.

The unfortunate companies that were defrauded by this man are now abandoning him faster than you can say fire hydrant. But they should do more. They should sue him. They won't because of "public reputation" and probably because of "black" pressure groups.

Too bad.

Oh, did you hear the one about why a golf ball is not like Tiger's Cadillac? With a golf ball, you hit a wood first.

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