Friday, July 31, 2009

"I'm sorry"

If you're sick and I say "I'm sorry," and you say, "It's not your fault," be aware that I will then go buy a petry dish of swine flu spores and throw them at you!

We have a pandemic of "I'm sorry" wet-blanketers. They're the smarmy do-gooders who think they're being nice, when in fact they're not allowing you to convey your sympathy. When I say I'm sorry about anything bad happening to you, please read, "I feel bad for you and wish you the best." I'm not admitting culpability.

If you are in a car accident away from home and have a broken leg, and I say, "I'm sorry," I'm not saying that I was actually the person driving recklessly into you. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on and I say "I'm sorry," I'm not admitting that I was the one who lured him into bed. If you lost your job and I say "I'm sorry," I not admitting that I asked your boss to fire you. The real person who should be apologizing to you is Dead Eyes. THEN you can say, "I knew it was you, you sorry mother-fucker!"

So, can you PLEASE stop raining on my sympathy parade and not say "It's not your fault"? If not, you better at least wait till the swine flu vaccine comes out in October!

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