Saturday, April 26, 2008

And Now We Can All Say "Papa"

Geneticists have recently discovered that early human populations declined to just 2,000 people around 70,000 years ago (scientists link it to drought), after an initial beginning and wide propagation 200,000 years ago. They did not mention if it was retroactive human spewing of industrialized CO2 that caused a drought, especially since we now know that the Earth cannot possibly warm without humans causing it.

Also, through Y-chromosome and genetic-marker analysis, geneticists have now pinpointed a single man (Adam?) 60,000 years ago from whom we are all (except for Bill Clinton, linked to early swine) descended from. That means we are all brothers and sisters and are, of course, incestuous. What fun!!!

Geneticists have also pinpointed a “FOXP2” gene which lead to the rise of the Fox News Network. Uh, no, I’m sorry, it is the gene that arose 50,000 years ago that gave humans a voice. I was just wondering what that must have been like for the other folks in the small band of humans who hadn’t yet gotten the gene. The others must’ve been silently thinking, “What the F—K?!!!” – especially when the guy/gal starting doing all the hand gestures while singing Madonna’s “Vogue.” I personally think it must’ve been a woman who got the talking gene first and men retained the “grunting gene” until, well, the present.

If I ever have another child, I think I’ll call her/him Double Helix. Just sounds cool.

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